Today has been a good day, I went to my first training/class today and that was good.. I got lots of work done, I came home to find Rosie had arrived and so had my tiny clay baby. I also went shopping with my sister and everything was.. IS fine.
But I have this feeling of anxiety inside of me and I feel down.
This is the constant struggle faced when you have depression or anxiety..
I’m on medication, I’ve worked through my problems the best I can.. I’m at a point in my life where I can finally say things are positive and moving forward but yet I still have these days where it just hits me and I know normal happy people don’t have those.. Not like this any way.
I lie in bed feeling exhausted from life, wondering what it’s even about and why we even go through these things.
Normal every day things like going to work or school make me feel overwhelmed and like I can’t cope or somehow mustn’t be good enough.
It’s not that I don’t WANT to go to school, to learn, to enjoy it to get a better job but more so my brain is constantly questioning me if I’m even good enough.. I get excited about something but then start having all these doubts.. And my brain starts telling me just to give up so I don’t have to face failure. But giving up is failing. It’s not even giving yourself a chance.
I thought I may start crying at any moment, If someone saw me crying and asked why I was upset I wouldn’t be able to answer. I don’t have a reason. It’s just this overwhelming feeling inside of me.
How can someone be sad without a reason?
You just can be. That’s what depression does I guess.
It makes you doubt yourself in so many ways, makes you feel bad about yourself, makes you sad even when you should be happy.. And you end up so confused you don’t even know where to begin to explain what’s going on.
But you just have to keep pushing forward, just keep remembering that you’ve had these bad times before and that they do pass.